Single at the Crossroad

This is a long overdue entry. It didn't come earlier not because I was shy or afraid to talk about this, but the urge wasn't there. As time passes, the question of settling down increases exponentially. Hints from my parents have now increased to be blatant question as to why I not settling down and they even pose very outright questions like, “Hey, you think you are so good is it. Stop being choosy. You are old.”

This blog entry is what I would deem as an Apology (Yeah, I have always admired Socrates).

The ultimate question about me being choosy is a contradiction in itself, a fallacy that needs no explanation to the wise, but probably requires base level answers to the superficial. For every decision in life, we all make choices based on our value system, from our favourite mamak stall to our life partners. A life partner is the one person that I would stick with for the rest of my life in which I have a choice. I can't choose my parents, my siblings (if I were to have) nor my relatives. But, the one I return home to each night, my better half, the one person I am going make love with till death do us part (or till libido ceases) , surely it can't be something as casual as to which pyjamas I choose to sleep in.

On another note, yes, I did have feelings for a few (too many I would say) throughout my life. The first crush I had was when I was 13 (yeah, it;s monkey love). But the harsh reality is that it didn't work out. Of course I was heartbroken and felt like a loser. The reasons they gave didn't help either. Well, you are not good looking enough. I think you ask too many difficult questions. Why can't we just be more relaxed and talk lighter stuffs. Enough of philosophy and theology and reasoning.

To me, a life unexamined is not worth living. Death is better than a life lived casually.

The one thing that I realise now is that it's really because God has been good that none worked out (gosh, what took me so long to come to terms with Him). It's because he didn't want them to. For this I am sure now, at last. He wanted me to endure sufficient heartaches to remember and would really mean it when I pray that He will prepare the love of my life as someone who would make me honour Him more. God listens. He answers.

Looking back at my foolishness, the ones that I have poured my love to has never been any pious Christian. Yes, not even ONE of them. How long must I endure before I understand. The Holy Spirit illuminates. Was blind (by lust), but now I see (the truth).

And how about the occasional people who have showed interest and could have been good Christians. I believe if two people strongly pray for the same thing and if it's God's will, things will just happen. For me, I have not felt that before with any of them. And perhaps those that have expressed does not give me the assurance of godliness. Hope my judgement is justified in good faith.

Yes, I am now at a crossroad. I have always felt that single hood is probably what I would end up with. Don't ask me if I think I have the gift of single hood. Don't be shallowly annoying to even think of asking me that. As temptations soar, I pray that God give me stronger wings. If he wants me to be single, He will have to give me strength to overcome sexual desires.

I respect John Stott's view on being single. He has always been a contemporary Christian scholar in the English speaking world whom I look highly upon. Let you read about it yourself if you are curious to know more how his views affect mine. If that matters to you.